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When you’re a kid, your birthday is all about presents, balloons, friends, and fun. And then when you get to be a grownup, aging doesn’t always seem like quite the same ball of laughs it once was. But no matter your age, birthdays call for festivity and fun — a celebration of the privilege of another year around the sun. And a little laughter goes a long way to add cheer to the occasion, whether the celebrant is enthusiastic and ready to party… or would prefer to hide under the covers with a giant slice of cake (and maybe a tumbler of wine).
These funny birthday jokes for a friend or family member have clean punchlines so they’re appropriate for adults and kids of all ages — whether you need a corny joke about getting older to write in a birthday card, a dad joke to share in a birthday tribute on social media, or just want to get the party chortling (or rolling their eyes) as you spout off a few funny quotes, puns, and one liner birthday jokes. (For example: What birthday present is guaranteed to make anyone’s face light up? A light bulb!)
Still looking for more birthday greeting inspiration? Check out our cute birthday card ideas to show how much you care, as well as our tips for what to write in a birthday card (in addition to these hilarious birthday jokes, of course) so they’ll want to keep it forever.
1. Why didn’t anyone say happy birthday to the owl? Because it didn’t give a hoot.
2. Did you know that birthdays are good for your health? It’s a scientific fact: People who have more birthdays live longer.
3. Where do you buy a birthday present for a cat? From a cat-alogue.
4. What did the birthday balloon say to the safety pin? "Hey, buster."
5. Why couldn’t the knot go to the birthday party? It was all tied up.
6. What kind of birthday cake is hard as a rock? Marble cake.
7. What kind of candle burns longer than others? None, silly — they all burn shorter.
8. What goes up but never comes down? Your age.
9. What famous people were born on your birthday? None — they were all just babies!
10. Where can you go to study birthday treats? Sundae school.
11. What do you call a birthday bash you throw for a dog? A ball.
12. What do you say to a bunny on its birthday? Hoppy birthday to you.
13. How do you know if a birthday cake is sad? Look for the tiers.
14. How is a birthday cake like baseball? Both need batters.
15. Why do we put candles on top of birthday cakes? Because it doesn’t work to put them on the bottom.
16. What will you do if no one comes to your birthday party? You’ll have your cake and eat it, too.
17. Did you hear what happened at the tree’s birthday party? Everyone got totally sappy.
18. What does an oyster do on its birthday? Shellebrate.
19. What happens when thieves crash a birthday party? They take the cake.
20. What kind of music do balloons fear? Pop tunes.
21. What can you do if you get heartburn from birthday cake? Take off the candles before you eat it next time.
22. What do you sing to a cow on its birthday? Happy birthday to moo!
23. Why do candles love birthdays? They like to get lit.
24. What's a bee's favorite day of the year? Its bee-day.
25. What did the elephant want for his birthday? A trunk full of presents.
26. Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby.
27. What did the bald man say when he got a comb for a birthday present? "Thanks — I'll never part with it."
28. When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When you slice it.
29. What did the teddy bear say when asked if it wanted a second piece of birthday cake? “No thank you, I’m stuffed.”
30. What does a witch do on her birthday? Spellebrate.
31. What’s the best way to remember your wife’s birthday? Forget it once.
32. Why does the mushroom always get invited to birthday parties? He’s a fun guy.
33. Did Moby Dick enjoy his birthday? Oh yes — he had a whale of a time.
34. What did one candle say to the other? “Birthdays just burn me up.”
35. Why don’t kangaroos don’t like birthdays? They only get to celebrate them in leap years.
36. What does every birthday end with? The letter Y.
37. Why did the bakery get robbed? Robbers heard the cakes were rich.
38. What birthday present is guaranteed to make anyone’s face light up? A light bulb.
39. Why did people take off their coats at the birthday party? Because everyone kept toasting.
40. What kind of cake do you eat if your birthday's on Halloween? I scream cake.
41. Why were there balloons in the bathroom? For the birthday potty.
42. Why do kids always forget their past birthday parties? Because they’re so focused on the present.
43. Did you hear about the sale on birthday candles? It’s a blowout.
44. How was the birthday party for the fish? It went swimmingly.
45. What did the ocean say on its birthday? Nothing — it just waved.
46. Did you hear about the risk behind birthdays? Yeah, too many can kill you.
47. Why did the birthday girl hit her cake with a hammer? Because it was pound cake.
48. Why did the student eat his homework on his birthday? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
49. What song do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow.
50. What did the cake say to the ice cream? "I think you're cool."
51. What did one lion say to the other on its birthday? "It's roar birthday, let's party!"
52. How do you know if a donut is bored at a birthday party? It looks glazed over.
53. What did the birthday card say to the stamp on its envelope? Stick with me — we’re going places.
54. What do they call you when you attend a ghost birthday? The life of the party.
55. Two birthday cupcakes were sitting in an oven. One turned to the other and said, “Hey, it’s hot in here.”
56. How moving was the message in the birthday card? Even the cake was in tiers.
57. Why did the pickle have so much fun at the birthday party? It relished every minute.
58. What did one corn cob say to the other on its birthday? I’m ear to party with you!
59. Why do leprechauns prefer cash to presents on their birthday? Because money is green.
60. Why did the baker laugh in the bakery? Because the eggs kept cracking jokes.
61. What did the kid tell a classmate who lied about his birthday being in the summertime? Julyed.
62. What did one cheese say to the other on its birthday? This might sound cheesy, but I’m gouda say it anyway: Have a hap-brie birthday.
63. What did the buffalo say when his son left the birthday party? Bison.
64. Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks on their birthday? In case they get a hole in one!
65. What did one candle say to the other after the raging birthday party? "I'm feeling rather burned out."
66. What did the mommy rose say to the baby rose on his birthday? "Happy birthday, bud!"
67. What do you call a noodle pretending it's his birthday? An impasta.
68. I dread my birthday, but my friends tell me to cheer up because it's better than falling into a hole filled with water. I know they mean well.
69. Why didn’t the pony sing happy birthday? It was a little hoarse.
70. What kind of jewelry did the rabbit wear for its birthday party? 14 carrot gold.
71. How did a duck buy birthday presents? He put them on his bill.
72. Why couldn’t I have my birthday party at the library? It was already booked up.
73. What did the lawyer drink on her birthday? Subpoena colada.
74. When do you put a birthday cake in the freezer? When you're ready to ice it.
75. Why don’t I want to celebrate my birthday party on the moon? That place has no atmosphere.
76. What kind of cake do you eat when it's your birthday but you're tired? Coffee cake.
77. How do you organize a birthday party in space? You planet carefully.
78. How does a cat make a birthday cake? From scratch.
79. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon on her birthday? She’d let it go.
80. What’s the best thing to put into a birthday cake? Your teeth.
81. What do you say to a pickle who didn’t get invited to the birthday party? Dill with it.
82. What’s worse than finding a bug in your birthday cake? Finding half a bug.
83. What do math teachers prefer to birthday cake? Pi.
84. Why does popcorn always have great birthday parties? Because they’re always popping.
85. What did the cake say to the birthday girl? “You want a piece of me?”
86. What’s the difference between pie and birthday cake? πr², cake are round.
87. What do they eat on birthdays in heaven? Angel food cake.
88. What do cats eat on their birthday? Mice cream cake.
89. What did the pirate say at his 80th birthday party? Aye matey!
90. Why does everyone in my family keep reminding me how old I am? Because age is a relative thing.
91. What does a house wear to its birthday party? Address.
92. Why does a joke become a dad joke on its 18th birthday? Because that's when it's fully groan.
93. On my 18th birthday, my grandmother shared some wisdom: "Remember these two words that will open a lot of doors throughout your life: Push and pull."
94. What's one thing you're guaranteed to get on your birthday? A year older.
95. What did the frog drink to wash down his birthday cake? Diet croak.
96. Why did the math book have such a great birthday? It took the day off from thinking about all its problems.
97. What did one plate say to the other on its birthday? "Dinner's on me!"
98. What game do rabbits play at their birthday parties? Musical hares.
99. Why did the kid get soap for his birthday? Because it was a soap-rise party.
100. What's the left side of the birthday cake? The one that's not yet eaten.
Alesandra is a digital travel and lifestyle journalist based in Los Angeles whose work has appeared in Good Housekeeping, Woman’s Day, Prevention, Insider, Glamour, Shondaland, AFAR, Parents, TODAY and countless other online and print outlets. Alesandra has a masters degree in journalism with an emphasis on cultural reporting and criticism from NYU, and a bachelor’s degree from UC Berkeley. An avid traveler, she trots the globe with her husband and their twins.
