Some older people like going on cruises. Others hightail it to early-bird specials. Then there are the ones who use their golden years to experiment sexually outside their relationship. Meet two such senior swingers, Mark and Deanna.
Mark and Deanna, both in their mid-fifties, got married 5 years ago. Neither has children from any prior relationships. They live in Las Vegas, Nevada, where they enjoy walking their dogs, doing puzzles, and seeing new movies on date nights. They also like going to places like The Green Door, a nearby night club that hosts various swingers' parties. To this couple, casual sex with strangers is a recreational activity just like any other.
How It Began
It was Mark's idea to swing. He and Deanna had been married for 3 years, and while he was nervous to voice this desire, he thought it would be a good way to break up the monotony of marriage. He first suggested it in the midst of an intimate, candlelit dinner, but even in that setting, Deanna didn't exactly jump at the proposal. "She was kind of hesitant at first," Mark says now.
"I was a little blown away," Deanna recalls. "But with a little romance he talked me into it. I'm an open person, so for him I was willing to give it a shot because it's what made him happy."
Their First Time (With Other People)
It took nearly six months after Deanna agreed to prepare and find a suitable event for them. Mark looked online for the right venue, and both were required to get STD testing in advance—along with bringing protection, a clean bill of health was a requirement from the party organizers. With the legwork done, Mark and Deanna headed to their first swingers' party.
The mid-sized club they chose was set up like a standard cocktail party, but both were struck by the surprisingly homey vibe. Not surprisingly, however, both were still anxious. "At first, I was uncomfortable, shy, and a little nervous," Mark says. "I'm not a party girl," Deanna adds. "I don't do clubbing. I don't drink, so for me it took a bit longer to open up and talk to people." She wasn't alone though; there were actually quite a few partygoers who didn't drink. "It's not a place where everyone is drunk," Mark explains.
After surveying the scene, each zeroed in on potential partners and struck up casual conversations. "It's not like you just jump into bed," Deanna says. "You start talking to them and you get to know them a little bit." It all sounded normal enough—except for the actual topics of conversation. Normally when people first meet, discussions cover basics such as what you do and where you live. "We don't talk about any of that," Mark says, explaining that anonymity is at a premium. "Discretion is key." So what do they talk about, then? That's easy: sex. After exchanging a few pleasantries about their likes and dislikes with these new friends, Mark and Deanna headed to separate rooms for the main event.
"You book the rooms in advance," Mark explains, noting that the event space functions much like a hotel. "You get a key to a specific room for the night." Also like a hotel, some rooms are pricier than others. "The more people the room can hold and the more luxurious it is, the more you pay," Mark says, though Deanna adds that all rooms have "a radio for soft music, and a television and candles." No matter the pricing, all rooms are decidedly clean, sleek, modern and according to both Mark and Deanna, "romantic." One thing the rooms lack is a window. "They are really, really private," Deanna describes.
As Deanna and Mark drove home from that first experience, they asked each other the clichéd question: How was it for you? (Except this situation was anything but clichéd.) "We keep nothing from each other," Deanna insists. "We did talk about it because he wanted to know my feelings on it, and I wanted to know his to make sure there's no jealousy involved." Together, they decided it was something that had enjoyed and wanted to continue doing.
Settling Into a Routine
Within a few months, the couple had created a pattern. They go to a swingers' event every few weeks, which is frequently enough that they can now spot the "regulars," but not so frequently that they consider themselves part of that group. They're allowed to sleep with anyone they choose and don't approve of each other's partners—but they do always talk about their experiences afterward.
They attend a variety of parties. Some are limited to middle-aged people or seniors only, while others include people of a variety of ages. Deanna prefers a variety of ages, even though she's not looking to be a cougar. "Younger men don't do anything for me," she laughs.
In contrast, Mark prefers the seniors-only soiree. "The older women are more…educated," he ventures. "Experienced," Deanna suggests. "Exactly," Mark agrees.
"If one of them finishes with their partner-for-the-night before the other, he or she simply waits in the common space of the event. They always leave together and—most importantly—they never interact with any of these sex partners outside of the club. They claim this rule keeps the experience from "seeping in" to their relationship at home.
How Swinging Helped Their Marriage
So far, their crowded sex life hasn't impacted their union negatively. If anything, "It's better," Mark says. "We're just stronger," Deanna agrees. "There is a certain strength that comes with freedom, knowing that you can do what you want." They both say that swinging helps them feel "less trapped" in their long-term relationship.
"No matter how much you love someone, things can get stale," Mark explains. "By adding other sexual partners into the mix, it keeps everything fresh—including sex with the person you're committed to. By not having such strict boundaries, we've opened up more to each other."
If there are other couples out there who want to give swinging a whirl, the pair has some advice. "Make sure that it's something that you really want to do, because jealousy can quickly creep in and tear a relationship up," Deanna warns. "You have to make sure it's something that you're comfortable with." So to each their own…except when borrowing partners.
