By 
I was married for 35 years, and I have been divorced for two years. The marriage started going downhill when my younger child was born, but I stayed for his sake. About seven years ago I was using my husband's computer one day and found out that he'd been looking for sex online with other men. I wasn't totally surprised.
Aside from that, we hadn't had a very good sex life at any point. He was not happy with my body; he shamed me because I was overweight. He would pinch my fat when we were having sex. I thought about leaving the marriage, but I never actually got close. I wasn't being abused, and I wanted my son to have a stable foundation until he left home for college.
When we got divorced, I was both sad and relieved. I had been married longer than I'd been single in my life. I hadn't had a date in 37 years! Our marriage had reached a point where I hadn't even had sex in five years. I thought I was going to be single forever. A lot of the men I met on dating sites had red flags waving. My being financially secure was apparently a rarity. When I told one man that I'd recently bought a house, he said his lease was up at the end of the month and he was looking for a place to live. I thought, don't ever write me again.
I did meet a guy I now call my post-divorce fling. He was 11 years younger than me. It was nice to be dating again, but I knew he didn't have long-term potential. He couldn't keep up with me in bed. I had a much higher sex drive. There were weekends he'd come over and say "I'm just not in the mood for sex this weekend." That made me feel like I was a little oversexed because here were two men, he and my husband, who didn't want to have sex with me.
I moved to a rural area for a new job eight months ago. I'm a psychologist, so it's hard to date anyone in my immediate vicinity. I went online again and met a guy who lives 90 miles away. He has a spinal cord injury and uses a wheelchair, so we decided I would drive to where he lives. Our first date was at a Home Depot. He had to go shopping so we shopped together, then talked in his car for four hours. I wasn't really sure if he liked me. One of my friends at work said, "If you talked for four hours, he liked you."
I thought, if it's not a fit, it's not a fit. But by the time I got home, I had the sweetest email from him. It was a slow courtship. We didn't see each other for a few weeks. It was probably three months before he even kissed me. One night we were watching TV. He gave me a kiss and within five minutes he had my bra off; we went from zero to 60 in no time flat. Right away, our connection was electric. We had the best sex I've ever had in my life, and we continue to.
With other men I've been with, I felt like their goal was, I want to get to the point where I can get my penis in her. After we do that for two or three minutes, if she has an orgasm, great, if not, oh well. But with the partner I'm with now, he's very focused on my orgasm. He can't have an orgasm in the traditional way, so the focus is mostly on my pleasure. He's very intent on finding my erogenous zones. There's a lot of kissing and touching, all over. We do have some penetrative sex but it requires creativity. Sex takes a lot longer but we're not in a hurry. When I'm over there, we rarely get out of bed. We're in bed all weekend long; we get out of bed to walk the dog and eat.
I feel like a goddess, honestly. I'm not what most people would consider a traditionally attractive woman. I'm middle aged and I'm a little lumpy, but to him, I'm beautiful. He can't stop touching every bit of my body. It's nothing like when my husband would pinch my fat. My partner loves that my body looks the way it does. He doesn't shame me in any way. He tells me to walk around with as much off as I can.
I don't miss any of the things I used to do with other men because he's so attentive. He can bring me to orgasm over and over; he seems to take delight in seeing how many times he can make that happen. I couldn't do that with other men, with whom sex was all about penis in vagina and when that was done, they were done. I'm glad I finally realized I could have so many orgasms, but I'm sorry it happened so late in life.
It's not just sexual. I consider him my partner. My two grown kids know about him, but haven't met him yet. I wasn't even sure this kind of connection existed. I've never had to try to be something that I wasn't just to keep him happy.
